The Lasso Way

One of the hardest things for me is to cope up with change. Small or big I absolutely hate it. I am not sure if I can land girls like Joey but the hatred towards change is something I can definitely do like him. And it’s not just Joey. Micheal Scott, Phil Dunphy and so many characters I love watching do not embrace change immediately. That, I guess is the reason I love TV characters way more than I should for my age.

Moving to the US was a big change. Moving back to India was even bigger. Processing each of these changes takes a very long time for me given I spend considerable time overthinking. But thanks to one such spiral. I happen to come across the wiki page of a TV series that involved football, a sport I love, and the protagonist moving geographies, an act I am familiar with. By the time I finished the first season, I knew I am in love with another TV character called Ted Lasso.

Over the three seasons, he kind of changed every player in the team to be better versions of themselves and not just in football. Along the way, I made notes to myself that I wish to incorporate sooner than later.

Note to Self 1: Be curious, not judgmental.

Hands down I will be in the top ten when it comes to judging people. I don’t know if my face shows it out, but it takes me minutes if not seconds to judge someone. The image I create of someone from my judgements is very hard to erase. Be it good or bad.

Though many have told me not to judge, no one told what to do. I resort to judgements because they are easy to make and requires no effort from me. But what takes effort is being genuinely curious. Given someone was curious about me got me all the friends I have today. Being curious myself got me good things in academics and at work. Why not be curious when it comes to people?

The worst that can I happen is I take a tiny step forward in making a change within myself. The best that can happen is I know a person better!

“Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that."

Note to Self 2: Be a goldfish.

Devil lies in both details and memories. The latter is the main reason why coping up with changes is always a difficult process. I hold on to traditions and memories for a long time despite that phase of life coming to an end. The very ability to remember stuff for a very very long time is also why I take so much time to forgive myself and others. When I moved to the US, the memories from Chennai and people here stopped me accepting the new journey I have embarked on. I found ways to keep those memories alive by constantly comparing Connecticut to Chennai and recollecting how things were back home.

I don’t mean to say I should find ways to have a short-term memory loss. because gratefulness stems from these memories. But I believe it will feel good to have a ten second memory like the goldfish from time to time. Forget things as and when they happen. Walk around with a free mind and good enough brain-storage to accommodate new experiences. And a short memory span is the easiesy way to not live in the past.

Once again, the worst that can happen is I forget a few birthdays. The best that can I happen is I don’t beat myself or others for not remembering birthdays!

“Living in the moment, it’s a gift. That’s why they call it the present.”

Note to self 3: It’s not the hope that kills you.

Starting May till August last year, I was hopeful about a lot of things. Internship with Adobe, TA with a professor at the University and an unwavering hope that good things will soon happen at the personal front. Things were not great probably, but the hope things will fall in place kept me going every single day.

By end of my internship and with time to kill, I have spent hours and hours listening to various podcasts, videos and what not on hope, faith and belief. Apparently, there is a subtle difference among the three and more often than not, all the lectures would conclude hope is dangerous. Contemplating on this drained all the hope I had in myself and sooner or later everything came crashing down one after the other.

Expectedly, I concluded hope is dangerous without any second guesses. I lived with the thought it’s better not to hope for anything at all and just accept whatever it is. For months to come I was bleh with nothing actually exciting me. Fair to say, I did not do well with this approach as well.

Almost a year later today, I don’t think I have gotten back the version of KR who was hopeful about things yet, but I definitely find an answer to why things took a fall. It was not that having hope was dangerous. It was the lack of hope that got to me. Because till the second I had hope, I had excitement in my life as well.

So I’ve been hearing this phrase y’all got over here that I ain’t too crazy about. “It’s the hope that kills you.” Y’all know that? I disagree, you know? I think it’s the lack of hope that comes and gets you. See, I believe in hope. I believe in belief. Now, where I’m from, we got a saying too, yeah? A question, actually. “Do you believe in miracles?”

Ted Lasso did not change me overnight nor do I embrace changes now. But Coach Lasso is the closest person who simplified things for me in most aspects of life. I wish things were the same as 5 years ago. I wish I still had the innocence left in me, and I wish I never lost touch with anyone I once knew. But it’s slowly hitting that life doesn’t work that way. Whether I like it or not, changes keep happening. I either jump onboard or I am left behind.

I am sure KR at 27, 33 or 40 will read this and takes baby steps towards accepting changes within me and in my close circles. Like everything else, let’s experiment days ahead the Lasso way :)

“Most of the time change is a good thing and I think that’s what it’s all about–embracing change, being brave, doing whatever you have to so everyone in your life can move forward with theirs, and maybe it’s the only way you can truly make her be happy.”